The End of 2009

Another year come and gone . . .
and what did I learn?

not sure
nothing to say
nothing to think

Trips?
Let's see
Did I go anywhere?
Oh, yes, Edisto Island twice this year!
Chicago!
Kansas for a beautiful wedding

Started a diet on December 9th
and so far have lost 10.7 lbs.
Good job -- feeling good about that
maybe a nice bathing suit this
summer
might buy myself a tan, lol

oh well, on to 2010!
looking forward to it

Mother

The aging process of my mother is driving me nuts. I want her to be happy but she refuses and wants to make me her happiness. She calls me every day, all day long. Not every once in a while to chat and say hello but long, needy calls full of "I need this and I need that". She wants me to feel sorry for her and "understand" how lonely she is. I cannot make a life for her. As much as I wish I could wave my wand and she'd be well and happy with tons of friends -- I just can't.

On the other hand, I don't want her to die either. The process is destroying me. I'm so tired. I'm so emotional. I can never get away from her neediness but then I feel guilty because ultimately she will die and then what? Then I can feel bad for being so angry with her? Thanks a lot for that!

I started a new diet today and I guess I'm not feeling too stable. I have Christmas wrapping to do (haven't started, ok I did ONE!). My company Christmas party is Friday. I have reports and paperwork and BONDS, omg BONDS! to get done and my mother will not go and try to start a life for herself and just give me a break for a few days. Just a few days. Just a few hours of peace. Don't ask me where I am or what I'm doing or tell me what you need or how the food isn't good or the people aren't friendly or whatever your life problem is today -- just a break, just for a few days.