2008
A difficult year
After the crappy 7 years I had between 1998 and 2004 I was really hoping those were done for a while. You know, 7 years good after 7 years bad or something like that.
Anyway, my brother filed for divorce in February 2008 and still no divorce. Talk about dragging it out. My soon to be (I guess?) sister-in-law has become someone that I feel pity for -- she's not mentally all there I would say. Long story and not what I want to write about.
The divorce though was the beginning of a hard year. I had several trips already planned and was exhausted by June when my brother called and asked my mother and I to come to KC and help him. He needed an apartment and monetary help and help with his kids and a trip to the lawyer's office to set a temporary order in place. The wife was in the hospital after falling due to, I don't know, stress maybe?? Such drama all year long . . . one holiday after another. Now it's Christmas time and the same thing. Misery loves company. That is one thing that is absolutely for sure.
So, it's about time for 2009 and hopefully a year of taking care of myself more than others. I love them all but they're about to wear me out! :)
I am wealth, I am abundance, I am joy!!! I love you all but I need to love me for a while. I want to feel rested, healthy, loved, joyful, happy, love.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Strange Aging
Gotta tell ya, aging is very strange. It's like you start out in one category (young, hip and beautiful) and all of a sudden you're in another (old, saggy and out of touch). When does this happen? Meantime, everyone in my age group still thinks I'm young and beautiful but I know that they're wrong because they're old, saggy, and out of touch. All of a sudden I can't hold a conversation with a 20-something because I have NO IDEA what they're talking about. Music, movies, electronics, games, books, heros, stars, etc. etc. I know NONE of them.
I'm not really hating this state, more amused than anything, and wondering, when did this happen? I love to enjoy my "old" stuff -- but even my favorite singer (who is, by the way, old like me) has youngster fans who don't remember her first album, her last 20 hair styles, her last relationship. How very odd? I certainly haven't forgotten the impact of that relationship on her at the time, us as fans at the time, and the music!!! OMG!! It's just weird getting older and finding people who think that time started when they were born 23 years ago. I know, I know. I was the SAME way -- just saying, it's strange.
I'm not really hating this state, more amused than anything, and wondering, when did this happen? I love to enjoy my "old" stuff -- but even my favorite singer (who is, by the way, old like me) has youngster fans who don't remember her first album, her last 20 hair styles, her last relationship. How very odd? I certainly haven't forgotten the impact of that relationship on her at the time, us as fans at the time, and the music!!! OMG!! It's just weird getting older and finding people who think that time started when they were born 23 years ago. I know, I know. I was the SAME way -- just saying, it's strange.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Losing someone special
My brother and sister-in-law have decided on divorce. Where to begin to express the sadness I have. I've come to love my sister-in-law, not as a sister exactly, but as someone who is part of my family. She is after all the mother of the babies I love to love on but as special as that is, it isn't entirely why I love her.
You see, I have an understanding of the enormity of the universe and how we are all connected. We're each light energy and all part of the same I AM. The only way to "be" in this life is to love one another. So when my baby brother (whom I love very much) says "I love this one" I begin to love her too. Then, I begin to not only love her because he loves her but because I have found something in her that is also in me. Humanity. Joys and hurts and smiles and tears. We all experience these and in their existence can relate to and love each other.
So, now what? Now, she's angry and hurt and wants me to side with her against my brother. I cannot and wouldn't if I could. I don't know all the details of their marriage -- it wasn't mine to live. It's not my pain to hurt. It's not my loss to live through.
Or is it? The only thing that stays the same, is change. My nephews will always be my nephews. Will I be able to create a new relationship with their mother? I don't know. At this point, no. I have hope for the future but I'll admit, I'm scared.
You see, I have an understanding of the enormity of the universe and how we are all connected. We're each light energy and all part of the same I AM. The only way to "be" in this life is to love one another. So when my baby brother (whom I love very much) says "I love this one" I begin to love her too. Then, I begin to not only love her because he loves her but because I have found something in her that is also in me. Humanity. Joys and hurts and smiles and tears. We all experience these and in their existence can relate to and love each other.
So, now what? Now, she's angry and hurt and wants me to side with her against my brother. I cannot and wouldn't if I could. I don't know all the details of their marriage -- it wasn't mine to live. It's not my pain to hurt. It's not my loss to live through.
Or is it? The only thing that stays the same, is change. My nephews will always be my nephews. Will I be able to create a new relationship with their mother? I don't know. At this point, no. I have hope for the future but I'll admit, I'm scared.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Hollywood Farm Girl
Dear Hollywood Farm Girl,
I'm sending you a message via the universe. Somehow I know you'll get the message whether it's from my blog or some other way. It's meant to get to you.
Yes, I'm a huge fan of your wife's and sometimes feel overwhelmed with the thought of how different (dare I say empty?) my life would have been without her music but that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you how much your blog means and has meant to me. Thank you for the thoughts, the laughter, the tears, the joy, for sharing your love, your fears, your pain, your laughter, your children, your wife, and your life. I have enjoyed each entry as if I'd picked up the phone and had a conversation with a wonderful friend.
Most recently, I read with tears in my eyes your blog regarding Suzanne Pleshette's passing and understood so well the pain of having to "let go with the fingers". My Dad was my biggest fan. He loved me unconditionally and was very proud of me. In 2004 I had to let go with my fingers and of course, my heart still won't let go. I understand that when someone passes that almost instantly they are no longer "attached" to their physical body as it is just a vehicle for moving through this dimension and when they move on they're done with it. I find it hard to believe that one day I won't care what my hair looks like :-) but if it means seeing my sweet Daddy again I'm all for it.
Please keep blogging when you can, T! It's cool how we can affect others in a profound way and it's more cool to find someone who knows this and uses this gift to affect the universe in a positive way.
Love from a stranger-friend.
Mel
I'm sending you a message via the universe. Somehow I know you'll get the message whether it's from my blog or some other way. It's meant to get to you.
Yes, I'm a huge fan of your wife's and sometimes feel overwhelmed with the thought of how different (dare I say empty?) my life would have been without her music but that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you how much your blog means and has meant to me. Thank you for the thoughts, the laughter, the tears, the joy, for sharing your love, your fears, your pain, your laughter, your children, your wife, and your life. I have enjoyed each entry as if I'd picked up the phone and had a conversation with a wonderful friend.
Most recently, I read with tears in my eyes your blog regarding Suzanne Pleshette's passing and understood so well the pain of having to "let go with the fingers". My Dad was my biggest fan. He loved me unconditionally and was very proud of me. In 2004 I had to let go with my fingers and of course, my heart still won't let go. I understand that when someone passes that almost instantly they are no longer "attached" to their physical body as it is just a vehicle for moving through this dimension and when they move on they're done with it. I find it hard to believe that one day I won't care what my hair looks like :-) but if it means seeing my sweet Daddy again I'm all for it.
Please keep blogging when you can, T! It's cool how we can affect others in a profound way and it's more cool to find someone who knows this and uses this gift to affect the universe in a positive way.
Love from a stranger-friend.
Mel
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